Almost Unnoticed (Almost)

I’ve arrived home early from school tonight. On Mondays I typically have class from 4pm to 8:30pm, but as the semester is winding down the class meetings get shorter. This seems to be true of teaching and learning (except in Logic class, where every stinking moment working with Modus Ponens and Constructive Dilemmas counts).

As I was driving home this evening it occurred to me that tonight I sat in the last official classes of this second Masters degree. Even though six thesis hours await me, the only classrooms I’ll be sitting in for awhile are ones I’m teaching. Funny that it almost escaped my notice. I know I’m not quite *done,* but the idea that there are no classes for me to go to in the fall, no schedule to squeeze the last available minutes out of … but somehow I’ll still be paying money. That’s kind of a drag.

In high school I was a part of the Pascal Center for Independent Study – for some people it was two hours of study hall or two hours of pretending to work. I learned how to direct my time and energy toward a project or two that was interesting to me. Unfortunately, one of these projects was bad (really bad) poetry. The evidence remains buried. I’ll need to call on that drive and energy, the commitment to a single goal because the thesis work starts in earnest over the summer. I have no idea what comes after that, but I’ve decided it wise to focus on one big project at a time. This is a revelation to reforming muli-taskers like myself.

As I get older, though, I find my brain can only hang onto one project. The rest is mush.

I’d forgotten what that is like (some loosely associated statements).

This morning I got on the scale at the gym and after a valiant three weeks of holding steady, the scale went the wrong direction. Early indications that this day wasn’t going to go according to my demands.

Me three weeks ago to thesis committee chair: “Yeah, this is an idea that I can see myself spending six academic hours and (a lot of) dollars on.”

(Different) Thesis committee member to me today: “I read your proposal, and there’s a whole bunch of it I don’t understand.”

Uh-oh.  I talked to my committee chair this afternoon and she indicated that my ideas are leading me in an entirely different direction than I anticipated. I know not much about philosophy of mind – but that’s where I’m headed.

Aw crap.  (Mom, you should be proud of my word choice. No salty dog language on the blog!)

We were talking in class on Monday night about how you know when you’ve read too much. I was sitting there thinking I had it all straightened out, and then I discovered today that I’m not at all sure I even know what I’m trying to talk about. This indication emerged in above conversation with committee chair, who asked me – quite rightly – to clarify what I meant by “that” and “these” and “objects.” This latter problem, though, could be due to the late cup of coffee I drank. Caffeine after noon does not for clear philosophical discussion make.